practical dreamer

When I was a kid, my dream was to play in the NBA. Since then, my dream has evolved so much as both a blessing and curse.

Post-college, my dreams led me to create a podcast, short film, song and stand-up comedy set.

Then, it led me to working for one my favorite brands in the world, Disney, and volunteering for an API-focused non-profit, Gold House.

At one point, I felt fully aligned with my greater purpose in life. I was channeling my entire being into my craft. Spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

This feeling was temporary though. I don’t remember how long I had it for or when it disappeared. All I know is I had it and I miss it.

If I had to pinpoint what went wrong, I think it’s a combination of being too outcome-focused, ambitious and impatient.

So much to do and so little time.

“No time to think. Just do it.”

So I sprint as fast as I can in all directions. I run out of breath. Life’s reminder - I’m mortal; I’m human.

As death gets closer with every year, I contemplate my time spent. A regret my soul will have is working too much and not living enough.

With countless dreams, I never feel like I’m done with work. Always something to be done. Angst and stress constantly present. Struggles to stay present even with my loved ones.

Decisions must be made. Which dreams should I chase and which ones should I let go? As a big dreamer, it’s so hard for me to let go of a dream. At the same time, these dreams are harming me the longer I hold on.

This is why for now, I’m not chasing stand-up comedy anymore. Even though I’ve only performed twice in my life, stand-up means so much to me because it reminds me of my first passion, basketball.

My love for comedy is pure. I enjoy making people laugh, even if I’m the butt of the joke. Finding the next laugh keeps me present. Most importantly, laughter heals the soul.

I would love to pursue stand-up full-time, but I don’t have the capacity to. Quite frankly, I’m not willing to grind and make the sacrifices required to be a successful comedian. I have a lot of respect for the craft and those who perform on a nightly basis.

With that said, I’m not letting go of stand-up completely. I still want it to be a part of my life, even if it’s a small one. I’m at peace with treating comedy as a hobby rather than a dream that must be pursued. Oddly, I’m ready to take comedy less seriously.

I’m excited to start the next chapter of my life. One where I transfer all the energy from my creative ambitions to my health, relationships and career. One with more presence, peace and love. Some principles and values I’ll live by:

• Enjoy the journey.

• Discipline and consistency.

• Keep the main thing, the main thing.

As I write this, I can feel my dreams merging with reality. Perhaps, I’m already living the dream.